How true is the adage, “You get what you give?” Sometimes we may rephrase it with a bit of a cynical tone as “What goes around comes around?” In the negative sense, this implies that all the afflictions that we impose on others will eventually be visited upon us as the perpetrators. And, the same goes for the good that we do to others eventually returning blessings upon us. I’m not sure that this holds true all the time, in both scenarios. In actuality, we are really describing the spirit of vengeance and the spirit of merits. In one case, we find ourselves wishing ill upon those who seem to gratuitously deal out ill will to others, and in the other case, we are basing our good will and intentional acts of benevolence upon the expectation that these acts merit a reward of the same, if not more, to be bestowed upon ourselves.
Even the Gospel today (MT 7: 7-12) could be interpreted in that fashion, especially in terms of a reward system for good deeds:
“Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.”
However, this directive immediately follows a description by Jesus of just how important it is to simply ASK something of God:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.’
The key here seems to be simply to ask, to show up, to initiate a conversation, to be aware that God is right here waiting for you. Once you show up and are present to God’s presence, then everything else falls into place it seems, if we can let go to a certain extent…
“Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asked for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asked for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.”
Earlier in the week, we heard Jesus teaching his disciples the Lord’s Prayer. Remember one of the key lines in that beautiful prayer is precisely, “give us this day our daily bread.” Again, the point here is that when we open ourselves up to the possibility that God is always present in our lives, we automatically become the recipients of all that we need. This doesn’t mean that we should not state our concerns or petition God. It does mean, I believe, that the relationship with and in God is primary. Can we allow ourselves to just show up and say “your will be done, because, frankly I’m not even half-way there as far as understanding how this should turn out?” This is the letting go I mentioned above. It’s a frightening invitation, but it is not impossible.
First and foremost, we are invited to open ourselves to God by asking, and in doing so, trusting that God will provide the daily bread,’ even though it may not be the kind of bread we specified. We show up with our list, anxiously perhaps aware that the list may not be fulfilled. This is where the trust comes in. What if our daily bread today is sour dough instead of the French toast that we wanted? Can we trust that God can work within any possible situation that we find ourselves in, in such a way as to surprise us with an outcome that we didn’t expect or anticipate, but ends up life-giving nonetheless?
Have you ever had the experience of being completely disappointed in the outcome of a situation? You had one definite interpretation of how something should play out and – God forbid – it didn’t work out right. Then you focused on that disappointment and maybe started blaming others or even yourself for this undesired outcome? If we hold on to the “my way or no way” attitude – what the Gospel terms as wicked -we just go deeper into a fixation that allows for nothing new to be possible. The wickedness’ of our stranglehold on a preconceived outcome stifles the possibility for not just another outcome, but for real transformation.
Hopefully, many of us can name a time when something did not work out the way we had hoped, but later, maybe several years down the line, we begin to see how everything that transpired, even the pieces that disappointed us most, have come together into something wholly new and beautiful and totally unexpected. I know I am living that now, stunned by strange new life horizons in the wake of the loss of loved ones who I thought would be around physically a lot longer than they were, and in the wonderment of how a perceived ‘failed’ vocation is now blooming into something amazingly challenging and exciting – something that I could not have even imagined back then.
So, back to our question as to whether it is true that “you get what you give.” I would say “yes,” but qualify it by further saying that we can only get or receive something, when we can give AWAY that which prevents us from seeing that what we receive is a gift, even though it’s not what we expected. When we begin to receive the mysteries of life and death and everything in between, then we can give in such a way that we are not focused on the outcome for ourselves, but centered on the whole relationship of trust and love that affords the be-attitude that the 14th century mystic, Lady Julian of Norwich, beautifully describes:
“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”
This is accepting situations on their own terms, not just on yours. This acceptance does not mean indifference to injustice, but rather a posture that allows a pervasive goodness of reality to be well.
The God who is Love can only give GOOD things that make us whole! This Wholeness of God is present always already for and in you and me. When we begin to receive life this way, then we can give life this way to each other and make each other whole in God’s Wholeness. It can become a pattern of giving and receiving that transforms the “get what you give” adage. The task is to constantly enter the relationship of God, show up and ask – all in the context of trust. Then, like Queen Esther (EST C: 12, 14-16, 23-25), we are REALLY praying….
“…turn our mourning into gladness and our sorrows into wholeness.”
Peace
Thomas
(Originally posted March 9, 2017)