The feeling of abandonment is real and terrible.  Some of us have had more experience of it than others. It is a harsh reality of life, whether it is circumstantial or imposed upon us by others.  It is a form of death.  More than that, it is an experience of death as a loss of relationship or never having one to start with.  It is a feeling of being cut off and isolated from others and in some cases from ourselves as well.  There is a sense that there is nothing to hold onto.  It can be debilitating, depressing, and even fatal.

In our present pandemic, the sick and dying may feel abandoned, especially if they are not receiving care or not being able to be with loved ones.   Indeed, the social distancing that we are practicing may be another feeling of abandonment. Abandonment seems to be a way of life.  But there’s more to it than that.

What we do or how we address the feelings of abandonment is all important.  We can allow it to frighten us into modes of self-preservation and self-protection, which then projects the abandonment onto others or we can lean into it in a way that can allow us to question Why we are feeling abandoned and go deeper into the possibilities for real transformation.   This is a way of staying in the tomb for a while, before quickly escaping into whatever will alleviate our concerns and pains.  In the tomb, we can discover a newness never before imagined.

In today’s Gospel (Mt 28:8-15), we hear how the two “Mary’s” after seeing the empty tomb and then encountering Jesus himself risen, run to tell the other disciples.  We are told that as they left the tomb they were both fearful and over-joyed.  There is the chance, i.e., the HOPE, that they have not been abandoned as much as they must have felt to have been upon Jesus’ death.  And then we hear of the onlookers in the scene:

…some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had happened.
 The chief priests assembled with the elders and took counsel;
 then they gave a large sum of money to the soldiers,
 telling them, “You are to say, ‘His disciples came by night and stole him while we were asleep.’

The scars of abandonment can tempt us to make others abandoned as well.  We tell lies and try to protect our own interests and in so doing abandon others in death.  We won’t go into the tomb and see that it is empty.  We won’t allow ourselves to hope that there is New Life available, which can in a miraculous way reverse abandonment so that it is paradoxically death itself that is abandoned.  Is this not what we have the possibility for right now?

Could this be another meaning of the Resurrection?  Sometimes, new life only comes by staying in the tomb longer, whatever it is, and letting it teach us about abandonment and what the costs and risks are for going out of the tomb and ultimately how we will relate to others within this abandonment.  This is a way of sitting in death, to let death abandon us.

Inasmuch as it is an abandonment of death it is an abandonment IN death.  And perhaps that is the basis of our fear.  We don’t want to go through that which we must in order to find something NEW – to SEE a new way!  We won’t take the chance to see that death and abandonment are not the final word!

Easter may be as much about a new way of BEING as it is a new way of seeing!  This is not simply putting on rose-colored glasses, but a much more rigorous learning to be and see in the dark.  In the case of the Gospel, it’s learning to see in the darkness of the tomb, in whatever shape or form that darkness is taking in our lives (Grief, bitterness, resentment, addiction, etc.).  The willingness to not flee the feeling of abandonment but to go through it ( and here is the key) in a COMMUNITY of others who have the same shared human heritage of abandonment.  That human heritage is EVERYONE – no exclusions!

It would seem if we can learn to do this, then the structures of abandonment that we have built can start to crumble.  Is this not one of the opportunities and possibilities that we face right now.  We have the chance to sit with the abandonment IN the death of isolation and fear and begin to see the Lord as David does, as quoted by Peter in the Acts of the Apostles (Acts 2:14, 22-33):

I saw the Lord ever before me,
with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed.
Therefore my heart has been glad and my tongue has exulted;
my flesh, too, will dwell in hope,
because you will not abandon my soul to the nether world,
nor will you suffer your holy one to see corruption.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.

This is a new way of seeing, of finding the Risen Lord IN each other, as David says before me and at my right hand.  The Risen Christ is right next to us, but we may not recognize Him/Her.  The journey of Easter is the invitation to find hope in our feelings and experiences of abandonment by seeing and embracing the realization that we ALL travel the same path of life, and that may be more true now than ever.  It is precisely this communion with each other that will give us everything that we need (care and compassion) to abandon death and so find and fill each other with the Joy of Presence in the Risen Christ in new and profound ways!

Peace

Thomas

( originally published April 17, 2017 )